Bedtime Rocks!

Yes, you read that right. Bedtime is no longer the most feared part of the day. Over the course of the last 6 weeks, Colin has found his bedtime groove and is pretty much sleeping through the night now, with the occasional late-night...or early morning...wake-ups that require a quick soothing hug from Daddy. I will admit, when it was happening 5 or 6 times a night, I was absolutely dreading it. But lately Colin's been very clingy to Anita during the day, so much so that I actually find myself looking forward to bedtime when I can give him a bath and put him to bed. It usually goes pretty smoothly. He's becoming a bit more independent in the bath, which makes me laugh. He now wants to wash his own hair first before I do it. I actually find myself asking his permission to finish washing his hair. There is a definite order to everything at bathtime and bedtime (yes he's a tad bit OCD - Monk would love Colin!). But I think that order actually helps calm him down and lends us an assist in getting him to settle down and go to sleep.

But what I love most about bedtime now is setting down with him in the rocker and letting him straddle my legs and lean into my chest. We pray together, and he's begun reaching for my hand when he hears me start to pray which is just incredibly cool. I talk to him about things that I look forward to sharing with him in the future, both near and down the road. I tell him how much Mommy and Daddy love him and how much Jesus loves him. But most of all, I relish the feeling of having his arms around me, of feeling his head rest against my chest. When he's ready, we head over to his bed and I lay him down and then I kneel at the foot of his bed and watch as he drifts off into sleep. He has a tell which helps me know when he's really asleep and when he's just playing possum. When his legs are crossed at the ankles, he's asleep and I can take my leave. If his legs aren't crossed, I stay put. It's actually quite amusing to watch.

But some of my favorite times, as much as I can't believe I'm going to say this, are the times in the middle of the night when he wakes up. I don't know if he's having bad dreams or if he wakes himself up through his tossing and turning, but those occasions where he begins to fuss and it's obvious he's not going to go back to sleep, I find myself hurrying to his side to pick him up and to comfort him. He always nestles into the nape of my neck and wraps his arms around my neck. Sometimes his little fingers will stroke the back of my head. And even though I usually need only hold him for a moment, those brief times in the darkness of the early morning are worth more to me than I would have every imagined.

I'm just glad they're not occurring 5 or 6 times a night anymore. :o)

Six Months & Counting

It's hard to believe that it's been six months since Anita and I first held our precious son. It's hard to believe that when we first met little Nan Yunchun, he would so quickly change from the frightened, unhappy little boy to the smiling, fearless, happy little boy that we now call our son, Colin. Thinking back on those first few days, I'm still amazed at how perfectly God worked all of this out for us, though I was certainly questioning it at the time.

In just a short 6 months, Colin has grown so much and changed so much...I'm constantly amazed at all that he's learned and overcome already in his short life. Just in his time with us, he's traveled halfway across the globe, to a home he's never known to live with a family he'd never met. He's had to adapt and learn how to let us take care of him as his parents, not just his caregivers. He's had his cleft lip and palate repaired. He's learned how to climb and descend steps on his own. He's even sleeping through the night on a regular basis now. Not every night, but it's happening more and more nights every week. His motor skills are truly amazing for a nearly 2-year old. He can feed himself using a spoon and fork. He can latch his own high-chair strap and his own car seat strap. Fortunately he can't yet un-latch these straps or we'd be in real trouble. :o)

And while he isn't yet speaking, he's understanding so much and observing so much. All he needs to do is see Anita and I do something one time, and he can mimic it almost exactly. I am equally thrilled and scared to death about that ability of his.

As I look back on his first 6 months with us, I can't help but wonder what the next 6 months...and more...have in store for us. I can't wait until he start talking so we can better communicate with him and he with us. Of course, knowing Colin's personality, he's going to start speaking in full sentences rather than simple words. And he will be curious about everything. I have no doubt that many of our conversations will consist of Colin asking "What is that?" or "How does that work?" or, most likely "Why?" I suspect we'll hear that little word quite a bit when he starts talking.

I can't wait until he begins taking interest in books so that we can have some wonderful times reading together and telling stories. I can't wait to help feed his imagination with the childhood stories that I grew up on and the new ones in the books that we've accumulated so far. I'm especially anxious to share of the children's stories from his homeland, to be able to share with him glimpses of heritage. I also can't wait to share with him the Bible Stories that will help him understand who God is and how He loves Colin so much.

But most of all, I can't wait to watch my son...My Son...grow up little by little every day.

Giving this another shot...

Well, the mac experiment is pretty much over. I still have the mac, though I don't use it much. It's become more of Anita's computer, and it's great for pictures and video, but I guess I'm just tied to the PC world for applications such as the Office Suite and other such productivity tools. And since Blogspot has updated some of it's options, I figured it would be worth switching back so I can post my blog into Facebook as well.

So that's the scoop for now. Here's where I'll be posting tidbits about our journey with Colin and how he's adjusting to life with us...and how we're adjusting to life with him. I may even post a picture or two when I can. :o)

Feeling Like Joseph

Seeing as it's Christmas Eve, I find myself thinking about the first Christmas. Of all the characters of the nativity, the one person that I find I relate to the most is Joseph. I've always had a fascination with Joseph, maybe because there is so little actually known about him. We know he was a carpenter. We know he was from Bethlehem. We know that he didn't quite believe Mary's claims to be with child from the Holy Spirit, at least until he was visited by an angel. We know he was a devout, God-fearing man, loyal to God and to Mary. But after Christ's birth, there is very little mention of him in the Bible.

Even today, Joseph has become the unheralded member of the nativity, almost as if his presence was more of an afterthought than a requirement. Maybe that's why I've always been fascinated by Joseph. There have been many times in my life when I've felt like I'm just a bit character in a larger story. Yet the truth is, Joseph's presence had a much larger impact on the story than most of us probably realize. We attribute so much of Christ's upbringing to Mary, or to the Holy Spirit, that we tend to overlook the influence that Joseph had to have had on Christ's early life. We know that Jesus was a carpenter, like his father. This is not something that magically happened. Not that God couldn't have imbued Christ with all the knowledge needed to be a carpenter, but it's more likely that Joseph spent many years teaching Jesus the skills necessary to learn this trade. This teaching would have taken place over years. There would have been many hours where Joseph and Jesus would be working together, talking, sharing, experiencing life together. To think that the only thing Joseph taught Jesus was about carpentry is probably a bit, well, foolish. What loving father doesn't try to teach his son about life? Even with the knowledge that Jesus was the son of God, Joseph surely felt the weight of being his earthly father, of needing to teach his adopted son about life, about the world, about how to be a man.

Maybe my fascination with Joseph is what has led me to this place in life. I don't think it's coincidence that this man that I have studied was an adoptive father, as I will soon be. I don't think it's coincidence that I've felt drawn to a man who was given the task of being a father to a child that was not biologically his, as I will soon be. Perhaps my fascination with Joseph over the years is, in some way, part of God's reminder of his role in my path to parenthood.

I sit here tonight, thinking of Christmases past, remembering the joy of Christmas morning when we first saw what Santa had left for us under our tree. I remember thinking how cool it would be to see my own child experience that same joy someday. For years, that seemed like it would never become a reality. And yet, in God's own way, he has once again reminded me of his love for me, leading me down a path where I would finally get to experience all that comes with being a father. And while Colin is not biologically mine, as Jesus was not biologically Joseph's, I have come to learn and to believe that biology is merely a technicality when it comes to being a father. The love that I already have for Colin is beyond anything that I could have ever though possible. The weight of the responsibility of being the father to this young child is also beyond anything that could have ever thought possible.

For the first time, my fascination with Joseph has changed into a unique sense of kinship. All these years I've wondered how Joseph was able to be the father of Jesus, his adopted son. Now, so very soon, I am going to find out for myself.

Finally - Something to Post!!!

Wow, it's been way too long since I've put anything out here. But the truth is, until a couple of weeks ago, there was nothing to share. Literally. We spent the last few months waiting...and waiting...and waiting for our Letter of Adoption (LOA). This is the letter that we had to receive from China to make everything officially official. Without that letter, we couldn't do anything - ask questions about Colin, send him a care package, tell anyone about Colin (oops, lol).

Well, the LOA finally came on November 17th. So it's now safe to say that sometime soon, we will be traveling to China to pick up our precious son!. We're supposed to have our Travel Arrangements in mid-December, with a likely travel window of sometime in January. Needless to say, we are incredibly excited and incredibly terrified at the same time.

Before I go any further, I would be remiss if I did not express our utmost thanks to all of you who have been praying for us and suffering with us throughout the waiting process. In those times when the waiting bordered on unbearable, it was your prayers on our behalf - those prayers that we could not find the words to express ourselves - that buoyed us until fruition. We can never thank you all enough for your love and friendship.

So, while the waiting is not yet over, there is comfort in the knowledge that this process will soon be coming to an end. I have spent many nights of late dreaming of that day when I can finally hold my son in my arms, as my heavenly Father has been holding Anita and I all along this journey.

Happy Birthday Colin!

It’s been kind of a bittersweet day for me. Colin turned 1 today. And as I sit here, half a world away, I can’t help but wonder what he’s experienced in his first year of life. I so desperately wish I could be there – or rather, that he could be here. I desperately wish that I could hold him, and hug him and kiss him. I so desperately wish I could watch him as he sleeps and look into his deep, dark eyes as he experiences new things. I know that our time together is coming, and I do take joy in that. But, today, I am feeling quite impatient.

Our little boy has been through a lot already in his young life, things that I know I am going to struggle to explain to him when he’s old enough to understand.

I don’t know how I’m going to explain to him that he was abandoned right after he was born. Not only that, but how do I explain to him that he was abandoned because he was viewed as imperfect in the eyes of a society that…well, I’ll back off there.

I don’t know how I’m going to explain to him that even though we may not be biologically connected, the love that I have for him is a bond that transcends blood or biology.

I don’t know how I’m going to explain to him that he is, and will be, a child of two very different cultures.

But those are things that I know will be dealt with in time, and I trust that when the time comes to have those conversations, the Father will be part of those discussions.

For now, I’ll have to sit here and dream of how we’ll celebrate his second birthday. Not only that, but how we’ll celebrate every day of our lives together.

So Happy Birthday, my son. I pray that even now, you can sense how very loved you are!

Waiting...still...

It's been a while since I've posted anything.  I guess it's because there's been little in the way of new information.  Everything happened so quickly last month, that so far in July, it seems like everything's back in suspended animation.  We still don't have any idea when we're traveling.  We don't have any new information on Colin.  Where out waiting before was difficult, now that we know we're going to be united with Colin, this waiting seems almost, well, cruel.  I know that God's timing is perfect, and that in His perfect timing, we will be preparing for our trip to meet our son.  But you'll forgive me if I have the urge to scream at the top of my lungs "Now Please!!!!!"

Of course, there is a lot to do in the meantime.  We have to figure out how to get uncirculated bills from a bank (legally, lol).  We have to figure out what to pack for a three-week trip without exceeding 40 pounds in a suitcase.  We have to figure out how to be...parents.

The scary thing is, the more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know.  I've never changed a diaper (and this is not an invitation to allow me to practice on anyone's kids - I'll wait to learn on my own).  I've never had to discipline a child.  I've never had to figure out how to console a crying child, or communicate with one that can't yet speak.  I've never had to sit back and watch as my child has to get a shot or undergo surgery.  These are all things that are waiting for Anita and I before the end of the year, and, at times, it scares the life out of me.

One thing that I'm good at in life is on-the-job training.  It's served me well in my career, and I'm praying it serves me well in parenting.  Now, if only I could find the user's manual...

11 Months and Counting

Colin is 11 months old today.  Admittedly, there is part of me that is somewhat saddened when I realize that we're not going to experience the first year of his life.  We'll not be there when he starts to crawl (if he hasn't begun already).  We may not be there when he takes his first steps.  I know there are little things like these that we'll not have the chance to experience, but I'll gladly trade those moments for the lifetime of moments yet to come.  

I know that there will be times ahead that will be difficult, but I also know that no matter what lies ahead, we have been blessed beyond measure to just have the opportunity to have whatever moments are awaiting us - all three of us.  Even now, the mere fact that I can sit here and blog about a future that a month ago seemed like a quickly fading dream...these are moments that I will cherish.  

So my prayer tonight, Father, is that you continue to watch over Colin.  And Father, I pray that You continue to keep Colin healthy and happy.  Be with Colin's caregivers as well, that they would continue to provide and protect Colin until the time God brings us all together.

You're Going to Be A Great Dad...

Maybe it's just me, but when people say that to me, I have this fleeting sense of panic. How does this person know I'm going to be a great dad? Where did they get their crystal ball from? Or are they from the future sent back in time to ensure I don't screw up in some capacity? Oh the thoughts that run through my mind...

But on a more serious note, I do feel my pulse rate go up when someone tells me that I'm going to be a great dad. I mean, I really, really hope so. I've waited so long for this, the last thing I want to do is screw it up. It scares me to no end to realize that soon I will be responsible for another life. It will be my responsibility to make sure that my child will grow up into a productive member of society, but not only that, a productive member of the family of God. It will be my responsibility to make sure he learns the basics - how to tie his shoes, how to count, how to say his ABC's, how to cheer for the Steelers and boo the Ravens and Browns (you know, the basics). But it will also be my responsibility to see that he learns wrong from right, that he learns respect and accountability. And, ultimately, it will be my responsibility to model for him what it means to be a man of God, like my dad has been modeling for me for 36 years now.

So, am I going to be a great dad? I have no idea. But I do know two things. First, my heavenly Father has never forgotten me thus far, and no matter where this journey takes me, I can rest in the assurance that He is going to be there with me to guide me and to help me along the way. And second, I am certain of the first statement because He gave me an earthly father that has been the best role model I could have ever had, and if I'm half as good at it as my dad has been, I'll consider it a success.

Sleeping With A Rhinoceros

One of the things we have the opportunity to do in preparing for Colin's arrival is to put together a 'care package' that we'll get to send to him at his orphanage in China. There is a list of suggested items that we should include in the package - a disposable camera for the orphanage workers to take pictures of Colin during his everyday routine, a vinyl kids photo album with pictures of us inside, and a stuffed animal. The list goes on, but these are the things that I'm probably most focused on, probably because their things that I feel capable of accomplishing.

So during a recent shopping trip, I casually strolled through the kids/toys area looking for a possible teddy bear to put in the care package. There were a few choices, but nothing that really caught my attention. Most of the stuffed animals were either too big, too small or too hard, or they played some annoying little ditty when you pressed one of their appendages. All in all, it was turning into a fruitless trip.

That is until I dug in a little deeper and discovered these little guys...




Admittedly, when I began the search, I wasn't thinking 'stuffed rhinoceros.' Let's face it, rhinos are not the most adorable of God's creatures, nor do they invoke pictures of cuddly-ness. But when I found these guys, I knew I had a winner. They were super soft, just the right size, and, well, they are stinkin' cute. And they were the last two in on the shelf, so I quickly made my purchase.

And starting tonight, we'll be having the rhinos join us for our nightly slumber. This way, some of our 'scent' will hopefully transfer to the rhinos, so that when we send one to Colin, he'll be able to smell us and become familiar with our scent.

So why did we purchase two rhinos if only one of the pair will be heading to China in the care package. You see, one of the things that happens with these care packages is that the items we send will likely become 'property' of the orphanage once we pick up Colin for use with the other children. The camera will be returned to us, but the pictures we send will likely become souvenirs for the orphanage workers of the family that adopted Colin, and the rhino will become Colin's gift back to the orphanage. So when we travel to China, we will take the second rhino with us and we'll be able to give Colin his 'forever' rhino on the same day we become his 'forever' family. There's certainly a poetic symmetry to all of it.

Well, I suppose it's time Anita and I and the rhino's turn in for the night.