It’s been kind of a bittersweet day for me. Colin turned 1 today. And as I sit here, half a world away, I can’t help but wonder what he’s experienced in his first year of life. I so desperately wish I could be there – or rather, that he could be here. I desperately wish that I could hold him, and hug him and kiss him. I so desperately wish I could watch him as he sleeps and look into his deep, dark eyes as he experiences new things. I know that our time together is coming, and I do take joy in that. But, today, I am feeling quite impatient.
Our little boy has been through a lot already in his young life, things that I know I am going to struggle to explain to him when he’s old enough to understand.
I don’t know how I’m going to explain to him that he was abandoned right after he was born. Not only that, but how do I explain to him that he was abandoned because he was viewed as imperfect in the eyes of a society that…well, I’ll back off there.
I don’t know how I’m going to explain to him that even though we may not be biologically connected, the love that I have for him is a bond that transcends blood or biology.
I don’t know how I’m going to explain to him that he is, and will be, a child of two very different cultures.
But those are things that I know will be dealt with in time, and I trust that when the time comes to have those conversations, the Father will be part of those discussions.
For now, I’ll have to sit here and dream of how we’ll celebrate his second birthday. Not only that, but how we’ll celebrate every day of our lives together.
So Happy Birthday, my son. I pray that even now, you can sense how very loved you are!
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