Feeling Like Joseph

Seeing as it's Christmas Eve, I find myself thinking about the first Christmas. Of all the characters of the nativity, the one person that I find I relate to the most is Joseph. I've always had a fascination with Joseph, maybe because there is so little actually known about him. We know he was a carpenter. We know he was from Bethlehem. We know that he didn't quite believe Mary's claims to be with child from the Holy Spirit, at least until he was visited by an angel. We know he was a devout, God-fearing man, loyal to God and to Mary. But after Christ's birth, there is very little mention of him in the Bible.

Even today, Joseph has become the unheralded member of the nativity, almost as if his presence was more of an afterthought than a requirement. Maybe that's why I've always been fascinated by Joseph. There have been many times in my life when I've felt like I'm just a bit character in a larger story. Yet the truth is, Joseph's presence had a much larger impact on the story than most of us probably realize. We attribute so much of Christ's upbringing to Mary, or to the Holy Spirit, that we tend to overlook the influence that Joseph had to have had on Christ's early life. We know that Jesus was a carpenter, like his father. This is not something that magically happened. Not that God couldn't have imbued Christ with all the knowledge needed to be a carpenter, but it's more likely that Joseph spent many years teaching Jesus the skills necessary to learn this trade. This teaching would have taken place over years. There would have been many hours where Joseph and Jesus would be working together, talking, sharing, experiencing life together. To think that the only thing Joseph taught Jesus was about carpentry is probably a bit, well, foolish. What loving father doesn't try to teach his son about life? Even with the knowledge that Jesus was the son of God, Joseph surely felt the weight of being his earthly father, of needing to teach his adopted son about life, about the world, about how to be a man.

Maybe my fascination with Joseph is what has led me to this place in life. I don't think it's coincidence that this man that I have studied was an adoptive father, as I will soon be. I don't think it's coincidence that I've felt drawn to a man who was given the task of being a father to a child that was not biologically his, as I will soon be. Perhaps my fascination with Joseph over the years is, in some way, part of God's reminder of his role in my path to parenthood.

I sit here tonight, thinking of Christmases past, remembering the joy of Christmas morning when we first saw what Santa had left for us under our tree. I remember thinking how cool it would be to see my own child experience that same joy someday. For years, that seemed like it would never become a reality. And yet, in God's own way, he has once again reminded me of his love for me, leading me down a path where I would finally get to experience all that comes with being a father. And while Colin is not biologically mine, as Jesus was not biologically Joseph's, I have come to learn and to believe that biology is merely a technicality when it comes to being a father. The love that I already have for Colin is beyond anything that I could have ever though possible. The weight of the responsibility of being the father to this young child is also beyond anything that could have ever thought possible.

For the first time, my fascination with Joseph has changed into a unique sense of kinship. All these years I've wondered how Joseph was able to be the father of Jesus, his adopted son. Now, so very soon, I am going to find out for myself.

Finally - Something to Post!!!

Wow, it's been way too long since I've put anything out here. But the truth is, until a couple of weeks ago, there was nothing to share. Literally. We spent the last few months waiting...and waiting...and waiting for our Letter of Adoption (LOA). This is the letter that we had to receive from China to make everything officially official. Without that letter, we couldn't do anything - ask questions about Colin, send him a care package, tell anyone about Colin (oops, lol).

Well, the LOA finally came on November 17th. So it's now safe to say that sometime soon, we will be traveling to China to pick up our precious son!. We're supposed to have our Travel Arrangements in mid-December, with a likely travel window of sometime in January. Needless to say, we are incredibly excited and incredibly terrified at the same time.

Before I go any further, I would be remiss if I did not express our utmost thanks to all of you who have been praying for us and suffering with us throughout the waiting process. In those times when the waiting bordered on unbearable, it was your prayers on our behalf - those prayers that we could not find the words to express ourselves - that buoyed us until fruition. We can never thank you all enough for your love and friendship.

So, while the waiting is not yet over, there is comfort in the knowledge that this process will soon be coming to an end. I have spent many nights of late dreaming of that day when I can finally hold my son in my arms, as my heavenly Father has been holding Anita and I all along this journey.

Happy Birthday Colin!

It’s been kind of a bittersweet day for me. Colin turned 1 today. And as I sit here, half a world away, I can’t help but wonder what he’s experienced in his first year of life. I so desperately wish I could be there – or rather, that he could be here. I desperately wish that I could hold him, and hug him and kiss him. I so desperately wish I could watch him as he sleeps and look into his deep, dark eyes as he experiences new things. I know that our time together is coming, and I do take joy in that. But, today, I am feeling quite impatient.

Our little boy has been through a lot already in his young life, things that I know I am going to struggle to explain to him when he’s old enough to understand.

I don’t know how I’m going to explain to him that he was abandoned right after he was born. Not only that, but how do I explain to him that he was abandoned because he was viewed as imperfect in the eyes of a society that…well, I’ll back off there.

I don’t know how I’m going to explain to him that even though we may not be biologically connected, the love that I have for him is a bond that transcends blood or biology.

I don’t know how I’m going to explain to him that he is, and will be, a child of two very different cultures.

But those are things that I know will be dealt with in time, and I trust that when the time comes to have those conversations, the Father will be part of those discussions.

For now, I’ll have to sit here and dream of how we’ll celebrate his second birthday. Not only that, but how we’ll celebrate every day of our lives together.

So Happy Birthday, my son. I pray that even now, you can sense how very loved you are!

Waiting...still...

It's been a while since I've posted anything.  I guess it's because there's been little in the way of new information.  Everything happened so quickly last month, that so far in July, it seems like everything's back in suspended animation.  We still don't have any idea when we're traveling.  We don't have any new information on Colin.  Where out waiting before was difficult, now that we know we're going to be united with Colin, this waiting seems almost, well, cruel.  I know that God's timing is perfect, and that in His perfect timing, we will be preparing for our trip to meet our son.  But you'll forgive me if I have the urge to scream at the top of my lungs "Now Please!!!!!"

Of course, there is a lot to do in the meantime.  We have to figure out how to get uncirculated bills from a bank (legally, lol).  We have to figure out what to pack for a three-week trip without exceeding 40 pounds in a suitcase.  We have to figure out how to be...parents.

The scary thing is, the more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know.  I've never changed a diaper (and this is not an invitation to allow me to practice on anyone's kids - I'll wait to learn on my own).  I've never had to discipline a child.  I've never had to figure out how to console a crying child, or communicate with one that can't yet speak.  I've never had to sit back and watch as my child has to get a shot or undergo surgery.  These are all things that are waiting for Anita and I before the end of the year, and, at times, it scares the life out of me.

One thing that I'm good at in life is on-the-job training.  It's served me well in my career, and I'm praying it serves me well in parenting.  Now, if only I could find the user's manual...

11 Months and Counting

Colin is 11 months old today.  Admittedly, there is part of me that is somewhat saddened when I realize that we're not going to experience the first year of his life.  We'll not be there when he starts to crawl (if he hasn't begun already).  We may not be there when he takes his first steps.  I know there are little things like these that we'll not have the chance to experience, but I'll gladly trade those moments for the lifetime of moments yet to come.  

I know that there will be times ahead that will be difficult, but I also know that no matter what lies ahead, we have been blessed beyond measure to just have the opportunity to have whatever moments are awaiting us - all three of us.  Even now, the mere fact that I can sit here and blog about a future that a month ago seemed like a quickly fading dream...these are moments that I will cherish.  

So my prayer tonight, Father, is that you continue to watch over Colin.  And Father, I pray that You continue to keep Colin healthy and happy.  Be with Colin's caregivers as well, that they would continue to provide and protect Colin until the time God brings us all together.

You're Going to Be A Great Dad...

Maybe it's just me, but when people say that to me, I have this fleeting sense of panic. How does this person know I'm going to be a great dad? Where did they get their crystal ball from? Or are they from the future sent back in time to ensure I don't screw up in some capacity? Oh the thoughts that run through my mind...

But on a more serious note, I do feel my pulse rate go up when someone tells me that I'm going to be a great dad. I mean, I really, really hope so. I've waited so long for this, the last thing I want to do is screw it up. It scares me to no end to realize that soon I will be responsible for another life. It will be my responsibility to make sure that my child will grow up into a productive member of society, but not only that, a productive member of the family of God. It will be my responsibility to make sure he learns the basics - how to tie his shoes, how to count, how to say his ABC's, how to cheer for the Steelers and boo the Ravens and Browns (you know, the basics). But it will also be my responsibility to see that he learns wrong from right, that he learns respect and accountability. And, ultimately, it will be my responsibility to model for him what it means to be a man of God, like my dad has been modeling for me for 36 years now.

So, am I going to be a great dad? I have no idea. But I do know two things. First, my heavenly Father has never forgotten me thus far, and no matter where this journey takes me, I can rest in the assurance that He is going to be there with me to guide me and to help me along the way. And second, I am certain of the first statement because He gave me an earthly father that has been the best role model I could have ever had, and if I'm half as good at it as my dad has been, I'll consider it a success.

Sleeping With A Rhinoceros

One of the things we have the opportunity to do in preparing for Colin's arrival is to put together a 'care package' that we'll get to send to him at his orphanage in China. There is a list of suggested items that we should include in the package - a disposable camera for the orphanage workers to take pictures of Colin during his everyday routine, a vinyl kids photo album with pictures of us inside, and a stuffed animal. The list goes on, but these are the things that I'm probably most focused on, probably because their things that I feel capable of accomplishing.

So during a recent shopping trip, I casually strolled through the kids/toys area looking for a possible teddy bear to put in the care package. There were a few choices, but nothing that really caught my attention. Most of the stuffed animals were either too big, too small or too hard, or they played some annoying little ditty when you pressed one of their appendages. All in all, it was turning into a fruitless trip.

That is until I dug in a little deeper and discovered these little guys...




Admittedly, when I began the search, I wasn't thinking 'stuffed rhinoceros.' Let's face it, rhinos are not the most adorable of God's creatures, nor do they invoke pictures of cuddly-ness. But when I found these guys, I knew I had a winner. They were super soft, just the right size, and, well, they are stinkin' cute. And they were the last two in on the shelf, so I quickly made my purchase.

And starting tonight, we'll be having the rhinos join us for our nightly slumber. This way, some of our 'scent' will hopefully transfer to the rhinos, so that when we send one to Colin, he'll be able to smell us and become familiar with our scent.

So why did we purchase two rhinos if only one of the pair will be heading to China in the care package. You see, one of the things that happens with these care packages is that the items we send will likely become 'property' of the orphanage once we pick up Colin for use with the other children. The camera will be returned to us, but the pictures we send will likely become souvenirs for the orphanage workers of the family that adopted Colin, and the rhino will become Colin's gift back to the orphanage. So when we travel to China, we will take the second rhino with us and we'll be able to give Colin his 'forever' rhino on the same day we become his 'forever' family. There's certainly a poetic symmetry to all of it.

Well, I suppose it's time Anita and I and the rhino's turn in for the night.

I Can't Wait

As I sat here tonight watching the Penguins win their 3rd Stanley Cup, and thinking back to watching the Steelers win their 6th Super Bowl back in February, and thinking back to when the Pirates won...well, I was quite young then...

Where was I? Oh yeah. I'm sitting here watching the game with excitement and cheering, and thinking back to watching games with my dad wearing my Jack Lambert jersey when I was a kid. And I just cannot wait to sit on the couch with Colin and watch these games with him. Will he like sports? I hope so, but I'll love him no matter what. Though, I am going to stack the deck. He'll be certain to have lots of Black and Gold in his wardrobe for years to come!

Explain This To Me

One of the things we recently learned we should probably do in preparation for our travels is to get the series of Hepatitis immunizations.  Certainly not the best news in the world for me, given how much as absolutely hate needles, but I'll chalk this up to "do what ya gotta do."  Now, the other significant problem with this is that these shots are typically not covered by insurance if you're over 20 years of age, and they're quite expensive.  However, Anita called her insurance carrier to find out if the shots would be covered, and she found out that if a doctor deemed them medically necessary, they would be covered.  So I decided to call my carrier, assuming that since we have the same product (administered by different carriers), my shots would be covered as well.

My assumption could not have been more incorrect.  I was told, quite matter of factly, that the shots are only covered in cases of extreme medical risk.  When I questioned what extreme medical risk included, I learned that the shots would be covered if I was involved in a high-risk same-sex relationship, a drug-user, or a medical professional dealing with hepatic patients.  But because I'm a law-abiding citizen who is in a heterosexual monogamous relationship and not currently working in a medical field, my shots would not be covered.  However, the woman I spoke with was quick to point out that any treatment required to treat Hepatitis, if I were to contract it, would be covered by my insurance.

I'm at a loss for words here.  I work in the insurance industry, and I have absolutely no idea why we even bother with insurance in this country.  At what point did the bobbing heads in charge of these thieving companies determine that covering preventative measures makes less sense than covering treatment?  Of course, I know the answer to the question before I ask it.  If someone needs treatment for something, it usually takes longer and requires more medicine during the treatment - thus causing the consumers to spend more money in the long run even with insurance.  If we were to prevent diseases, how would all the pharmaceutical companies make their billions of dollars annually?

Okay, let me step down off my soapbox and get back on point. Actually, I don't know if I have a point.  It looks like we have to get some shots (ugh!) but at least half of them will be covered.  But, if this is what it takes to bring Colin home, then there's really no choice to be made.

Are We There Yet?

Yesterday (Wednesday) we went down to Bethany to formally accept the referral and to work out some of the details of what's to come. Of course, we received a whole new stack of forms and other paperwork to complete and read, but suddenly this isn't quite as bothersome to me. in fact, I almost look forward to this round, because it means we're that much closer to travelling to bring our son home!

One of the things we learned is that we will likely be travelling this fall, sometime between September and November. While this is not a given, the indications are that we're looking at a 4 to 6 month wait at this point because our paperwork is not yet through the 'review room.' So, I have 4 months to get everything in order at home in preparation for the next chapter in our lives to begin.

One thing we did find out is that we will be in China for at least 18 days, which is about a week more than we had been planning. So there is a lot of additional adjustments that will need to be made.

We have so much to be thankful for, and so much still to lay at the feet of our Saviour as we continue to prepare for Colin's homecoming. Pray that we'll get the things done that need to be done. Pray that the finances will be there, and that our needs will be few. Pray that the preparations for our trip will go smoothly. Pray that the adjustments we need to make due to the new schedule will also go smoothly.

I recently was reminded of this song from Steven Curtis Chapman...

As I look back on this road I've travelled,
I see so many times He's carried me through.
If there's only one thing that I've learned in my life;
My Redeemer is faithful and true

His hand has taken us along every step of this journey, and I know He will continue to carry us through what's to come!

Introducing Colin Lee Yunchun Smith

(First, let me apologize up front. There will not be any pictures to join this posting. While we are anxious to share with you our beautiful son, we are keenly aware that the Chinese people are a proud people, and it has been requested through our agency that we respect the culture and refrain from publicizing pictures at this time)

Part of the documentation we received with the referral was the name that was given our little boy when he was found. His name is Nan Yunchun. He was found on July 25th, and it was estimated that he was two days old when he was found, so his date of birth is July 23rd, 2008. How cool is it that he'll get to share a birthday with his Mom! All indications is that he is a healthy little boy, praise God!

We did some research into his name. Keeping in mind that in the Chinese culture, the surname name is listed first, and the given is listed second. So, if his name were American-ized, it would be Yunchun Nan. We've read that orphaned children are often left without a name and it's up to the orphanage to name the child. So the names often reflect a location or conditions under which the child was found. We learned that Yunchun can be literally translated to mean "Cloudy Spring," and Nan is a common family name (kind of like Smith) in the province where he was found and is currently living.

From early on in the process, we have been toying with names. Honestly, we had narrowed our list down to two girls names, because we had assumed we would be adopting a little girl from China when we began this journey. When we learned we were having a boy, we began a mad scramble to come up with a boys name. This was complicated by several factors - wanting to pick a name that worked well with his surname, not wanting to pick a name of a current of former student of Anita's, not wanting to step on the toes of the several friends of our who are expecting in the next few months, not wanting to select a name that would invoke teasing or ridicule as he grew up, etc. Not an easy task as you might imagine. Where most couples have months to select a name, we had days. But it was a task that became quite comical as we worked out name after name.

So, after a few hours of hashing things out, we found that we really liked the name Colin, which one website defined as "Of A Triumphant People." We had agreed all along that we would keep his surname as his middle name, and Colin Yunchun had a certain flow to it. We added the Lee because it was my middle name (as well as my father's) and was also the first name of Anita's Grandmother who had passed in 2008. Therefore, we decided that Colin Lee Yunchun Smith would be an appropriate name for our little boy.

So, ladies and gentlemen, we are anxiously awaiting the delivery (or picking-up as the case may be) of our son, Colin Lee Yunchun Smith!

June 3rd, 2009

This is the day our lives forever changed. Around 9:30 that morning, I received a phone call. To be honest, I almost didn't answer it. The phone number looked eerily similar to one of my clients, and I was just simply too busy at the time the call came in to have to change gears to whatever minor problem I suspected was waiting for me on the other end of the line. However, choosing to be a good little worker bee, I decided to pick up the phone, and almost instantly had my life flipped upside-down.

"Hello, Matt? This is Carol Rainbow from Bethany. I have some news for you."

That's how the conversation started. Those 14 words - the best words I've heard since Anita said "I Do." Those words changed everything.

Over the next 15 minutes, I learned what God had provided for us. Our referral was for a 10-month old boy with cleft lip/cleft palate. While the cleft lip/palate didn't surprise me at all (as this was one of the conditions we agreed to accept), I was completely floored by the age. When we first looked into adoptions, we had hoped and prayed for an infant. When we switched over to the special needs list, we indicated that we would be willing to accept a child up to 2 years of age. We fully expected any referral we received to be closer to this age, so being referred an infant was a wonderful surprise.

Carol indicated that she would be sending some documentation - mostly medical information from his last check-up, and some pictures. When I received the pictures, I nervously opened them, my mind stuck on the thought that I would be looking at my son for the first time. When the first jpeg opened, I almost cried right there at my desk. He was - is - beautiful. I sat there staring at the picture for what seemed like hours (though it was probably only a minute) just thanking God for His incredible blessings.

June 3rd, 2009. The day I saw my son for the first time!

Waiting For A Lifetime

If you were to judge this blog based solely on the title, it might seem as if I'm lamenting or complaining. For those who know me, this would not be completely out of character for me. However, in this regard, this is a statement of eager anticipation. Read on for an explanation.

Perhaps a bit of background would be appropriate. Anita and I have been married for almost 13 years now, and after years of unsuccessful tries to start a family, we decided to explore the possibility of adoption. After a lot of prayer, we chose to explore an international adoption from China. So, we began the process in 2006, getting all our paperwork together, home study after home study, getting fingerprinted, having criminal checks done, basically putting every detail of our lives down on paper for months at a time. It was a long, drawn-out, intrusive process. At times, I had to wonder if this was really the way to go. But we stuck with it and in the late summer of 2007, we submitted our dossier to the Chinese Consulate. Thus began the first part of our waiting game.

Months and months had gone by, with no news of any kind. When we first started looking into this, the average wait time from dossier submission to travel was 12 - 14 months. By the time we submitted our dossier, the wait had increased to 24 months. By the time we were logged in in China, the wait was over 30 months. As of this writing, the average wait is 36 months. It appeared that we would be waiting, virtually for a lifetime!

So, after more prayer and conversations with our families and friends, we decided to explore the possibility of adopting a child with special needs. While this would possibly speed things up for us, it would require us to be willing to accept a child with any number of physical and emotional needs. This decision was a struggle, but we were fortunate in that we were allowed to 'pick' what special needs we were willing to accept. So, after praying some more, we chose a very short of list of minor correctable conditions that we felt we could handle. And, once again, in late April 2009, we filed more paperwork and sent it off. Now the waiting game was completely in God's hands.

And, as God often does, He surprised us beyond anything we could have hoped for or imagined! On June 3rd, 2009, we received a call from our agency saying that there was a little boy waiting for his forever home, and we had been matched up with him! I sat at work in stunned silence. I didn't know what to say. I never once thought we would get a referral within 6 weeks of submitting the paperwork. This waiting game that once looked so daunting was suddenly...gone! We were going to have a son!

So, as I write this, there is more to be done - more paperwork, more planning, more housekeeping, and a little more waiting. But now we are waiting for a lifetime - the lifetime of our son. This is a waiting game that I am anticipating with all my heart and soul, and I thank God for His incredible blessings. The wait so far has been worth it, and I look forward to waiting for every second of what's to come!

I hope that as our journey continues, you will join us for the steps we take. We know that there is much to do, and many challenges ahead. But together, we will face them and continue to wait for a lifetime of joy and happiness.