Happy Birthday Colin!

It’s been kind of a bittersweet day for me. Colin turned 1 today. And as I sit here, half a world away, I can’t help but wonder what he’s experienced in his first year of life. I so desperately wish I could be there – or rather, that he could be here. I desperately wish that I could hold him, and hug him and kiss him. I so desperately wish I could watch him as he sleeps and look into his deep, dark eyes as he experiences new things. I know that our time together is coming, and I do take joy in that. But, today, I am feeling quite impatient.

Our little boy has been through a lot already in his young life, things that I know I am going to struggle to explain to him when he’s old enough to understand.

I don’t know how I’m going to explain to him that he was abandoned right after he was born. Not only that, but how do I explain to him that he was abandoned because he was viewed as imperfect in the eyes of a society that…well, I’ll back off there.

I don’t know how I’m going to explain to him that even though we may not be biologically connected, the love that I have for him is a bond that transcends blood or biology.

I don’t know how I’m going to explain to him that he is, and will be, a child of two very different cultures.

But those are things that I know will be dealt with in time, and I trust that when the time comes to have those conversations, the Father will be part of those discussions.

For now, I’ll have to sit here and dream of how we’ll celebrate his second birthday. Not only that, but how we’ll celebrate every day of our lives together.

So Happy Birthday, my son. I pray that even now, you can sense how very loved you are!

Waiting...still...

It's been a while since I've posted anything.  I guess it's because there's been little in the way of new information.  Everything happened so quickly last month, that so far in July, it seems like everything's back in suspended animation.  We still don't have any idea when we're traveling.  We don't have any new information on Colin.  Where out waiting before was difficult, now that we know we're going to be united with Colin, this waiting seems almost, well, cruel.  I know that God's timing is perfect, and that in His perfect timing, we will be preparing for our trip to meet our son.  But you'll forgive me if I have the urge to scream at the top of my lungs "Now Please!!!!!"

Of course, there is a lot to do in the meantime.  We have to figure out how to get uncirculated bills from a bank (legally, lol).  We have to figure out what to pack for a three-week trip without exceeding 40 pounds in a suitcase.  We have to figure out how to be...parents.

The scary thing is, the more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know.  I've never changed a diaper (and this is not an invitation to allow me to practice on anyone's kids - I'll wait to learn on my own).  I've never had to discipline a child.  I've never had to figure out how to console a crying child, or communicate with one that can't yet speak.  I've never had to sit back and watch as my child has to get a shot or undergo surgery.  These are all things that are waiting for Anita and I before the end of the year, and, at times, it scares the life out of me.

One thing that I'm good at in life is on-the-job training.  It's served me well in my career, and I'm praying it serves me well in parenting.  Now, if only I could find the user's manual...